


Baz and Red Wine

by pitchb_tch



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Boys In Love, Drunk Simon, Fiona rolls her eyes a lot, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, You're Welcome, baz giggles a lot, but is also amused, drunk baz, everyone is drunk, idk how to tag can you tell, oh!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-17 12:33:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16516583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pitchb_tch/pseuds/pitchb_tch
Summary: The gang gets drunk and Fiona has to go pick them up at 3am





	Baz and Red Wine

**Author's Note:**

> hiii this is the first fic I've ever posted and it is totally and completely self indulgent and barely edited. I hope you enjoy ;;;))))

Sometimes being an aunt to a posh creature of the night meant getting a phone call at three in the morning from said creature.

Baz was a wreck on the phone, barely getting out a few words before being consumed by giggles. Fiona had rolled her eyes. Smashed, he was.

As she opened her mouth, another voice rang out through the receiver, this time with a thick Lancashire accent to rival her nephew’s posh one. The Chosen One was rambling out an address and Fiona had half a mind to grapple for her wand and write the words out in front of her to stick into her phone later.

Now Fiona drove to the heart of London with the windows rolled down, on her way to pick up her absolutely legless nephew and his completely pissed friends. As she approached the address she was given, she spotted them on the curb and didn’t even try to stifle the loud groan that involuntarily made its way out of her mouth.

They all looked a mess. All bloody six of them.

The Wellbelove girl was hiked up onto the back of some girl Fiona had never seen before. She had dark skin and dark curly hair and was almost as short as the Bunce kid, who was currently sitting on the edge of the curb feeding her American boyfriend crisps while he spoon fed her yogurt.

Standing a few feet behind them was her nephew and his boyfriend. And Merlin help Fiona, they were the biggest messes of all.

Baz was a giggling mess with his head tilted back, hair in knots, exposing the long column of his neck that was now the home to various dark bruises (Jesus. Fiona didn’t even know Baz could get hickies. Leave it to The Chosen One to solve that mystery). His button up shirt was unbuttoned down to his navel and he was swaying on his feet. He probably would’ve fallen over if it weren’t for his boyfriend’s hands gripping his waist underneath his unbuttoned shirt, pulling Baz into his body and mouthing up his long neck.

Fucking Crowley.

“Oy!” Fiona shouted through the open passenger side window, “Get your pissed arses in the car before you get arrested for public indecency!” Baz whipped his head around to her, his large sharp grin slid onto his face as soon as he saw who the voice belonged to.

“Fiona!” He slurred as the rest of his friends cheered and headed towards her car. Simon just grabbed Baz’s chin with gentle fingers and turned his face toward him, planting a gentle but lingering kiss on the taller boy’s pouty mouth. Fiona rolled her eyes.

“Sometime today Chosen One,” Simon just smirked at her and wrapped his arm around a giggling Baz, hauling him towards the backseat.

Penny pushed her boyfriend toward the passenger seat and threw their rubbish away in a nearby bin before walking around to the other side of the car and getting into the back seat next to Wellbelove and the other girl.

“Nice to see you Fiona,” Bunce’s American said from the passenger seat as he buckled himself in. He sounded to be the soberest of the bunch but judging by the sweat clinging to his hairline, he was walking the line between tipsy and drunk.

“’Lo Micah. Visiting from the states again, are we?”

“Actually, Micah’s doing a year abroad here,” Bunce buts in loudly from behind Fiona, “So he’s proper living with us now.” Fiona doesn’t have to look back at her to know she’s absolutely beaming. Micah’s smiling back at her, perfect teeth and all.

“We’re the ones visiting actually,” Agatha says pointing to her and the girl sitting next to her, “This is Ana, my roommate from California.”

“Thanks for picking us up,” Ana says, west coast clear in her tone.

“Yo budge over,” Simon says in his thick slang, sliding next to Agatha and pulling Baz clean onto his lap. He slams the door shut and moves Baz so his back leans against the window, his legs dangling off the side of the seat next to Simons.

Christ, you’d think Snow was the one with super strength, what with the way he was manhandling Baz as if he weighed nothing while Baz let himself be moved like a ragdoll.

“Play nice Simon,” Baz giggles as Simons hands settle heavy on his waist. Fiona had never seen a Pitch be so pliant (well maybe not since her sister fell in love with a farmer).

“What the bloody hell is going on?” Fiona asked, barely managing to stifle her amused laughter. The kids all laughed along with her as she pulled into the road.

“Well we were all having a bloody good time,” Simon explained through laughter, “when _someone_ ” at the lilt in voice he squeezed Baz’s hips causing Baz to let out a high pitched, feminine squeal. (Merlin. Fiona could _not_ with this drunken idiot.) Simon gave him a wicked grin in response before he continued “was enjoying the red wine I bought him a little too much- “

“Drank almost half the bottle!” Penelope interrupted, snorting.

“Quite the fucking lightweight this one,” Agatha laughed, “who would’ve thought: Mr. Posh and Proper getting smashed after not even half a bottle of wine.” Fiona snorted at that.

“I for one am definitely not surprised,” Fiona says as she switches lanes, “the amount of Coven events we’ve been to where I’d find Baz with a stolen bottle of champagne almost empty, mumbling about how he ‘wanted Simon bloody Snow’s gorgeous bloody hands wrapped around his bloody neck.’”

The others laughed at her impression of Baz, and Baz huffed from Simons lap.

“I can’t help that the thought of Simon being in the position to kill me gives me the hots,” He said, completely and utterly inhibited. Simon just looked amused, eyes twinkling with mirth and his grin wide and wet. Here we go, Fiona thought.

“Christ, you death obsessed bastard,” Simon says through his wide smile and a breathless chuckle.

“It’s true,” Baz frowned, voice quiet enough the other almost couldn’t hear it, “sometimes I just want you to wrap your hands around my neck and-" Ana let out a loud laugh and Agatha groaned in embarrassment.

“Annnddd that’s why we took the bottle from him!” Micah laughed from the passenger seat.

“Baz started doing this embarrassingly soft dirty talk and Simon being absolutely shameless did nothing to stop him.” Penelope explained, reaching a hand across the seat and batting at Simon’s leg to get his lips to unattached from his boyfriends. Fiona rolled her eyes for what felt like the millionth time that night.

“Oh god Aggie,” Ana says, breathless from laughter, “Are you sure that’s your ex-boyfriend? And that’s the boy you had a fat crush on?” Agatha huffed and eyed the boys squished next to her on the seat.

Simon and Baz (a pair of absolute duds if you asked Fiona) were gazing into each other’s eyes like love sick idiots. Simons hair was a wreck, but he had a teasing smile on his face as he stroked Baz’s long neck with the back of his index finger.

Baz’s pitch-black hair was sticking to his sweaty forehead as he gave Simon the biggest smile anyone had seen a Pitch wear. Fiona wanted to gag but she turned her gaze to the rode instead.

“Trying times those were,” Agatha explained, “they do hold a lot of passion though, the both of them,” she glances over at them again and turns back to Ana and Penelope, “Not for me anyway.”

She finishes her sentence with a loud laugh, followed by everyone else in the cramped car, including the two boys in the back.

“Oh, we love ya Aggie,” Simon chuckled, reaching over and pinching her cheek lightly. Agatha squealed indignantly and grabbed at Simons hand in favor of holding onto it in her lap and smiling cheekily at him.

“Oh, I just love you both,” Baz sighs, reaching his hand over to plop down over Simon and Agatha’s joined ones. “I just loved being the bad boy of your dreams” he looks at Agatha, “and the bad boy of your nightmares.” He says to Simon with a smirk. Simon rolls his eyes with a grin.

“Hush up, you. You are still the bad boy of my nightmares.”

“Bad boy my arse!” Fiona pipes up from the driver’s seat, “he’s just a brat who loves to terrorize everyone.”

Baz let out a huff at the accusation, but it turned into a loud giggle when Simon whispered, “It’s the fucking truth,” in his ear.

In the corner of her eye, Fiona could see Micah holding Penelope’s hand across the middle console. As she glanced in the rear-view mirror, she caught Simon tucking Baz’s hair behind his ear, so it wasn’t sticking to his face.

God, the young love in that car was absolutely stifling. The look Baz gave Simon made Fiona rolls her eyes. Again.

But. _He’s happy_ , Fiona thought, _he’s so fucking happy_. Because of these kids. These kids who are bloody plastered in Fiona’s car at 3 in the morning. Because of the goddamn Chosen One who can’t keep his useless mouth away from her nephews neck long enough to hold an actual conversation. (Fiona needs to talk to that bastard about his PDA. He’s gotten so comfortable with her and Fiona is not amused by it at all.)

God. Basil is witty and sharp and intense and violently brilliant and here he is giggling as his once sworn enemy kisses his nose.

Natasha wouldn’t know what the fuck to do with this boy. Hell, Fiona could barely figure out what to do with him. But if it meant driving him and his plastered friends home at three in the morning, so help her, she’d fucking do it every night.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is always appreciated so leave a kudos if you're feeling it. or a comment if you're feeling chatty :) since this is my first fic I'd love to know if anyone thought this was decent so pls let me know what you think!! and come visit me @ pitchbtch on tumblr !!


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